Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Where the sweetnes and bitterness become 1 (part2)

So di mana sy berhenti.. ya di hospital Tawau kan..

Sy check in di hospital Tawau pada 23hb April jam 930pagi. Sampai saja..saya diperiksa oleh Dr. lelaki. Dan Dr tu buat VE. Fuhhh..saya tahan malu saja sebab pengalaman bersalin di hospital kudat semuanya dilakukan oleh nurse. Jadi bila Dr. lelaki yang datang dan  buat VE (Vaginal Examination) hmmm segan oooo

Pendek cerita..pada 23hb tu...belum ada bukaan rahim dan lapisan cerviks masih tebal kata doktor tu..tapi sebab post date 9 days from EDD jadi masuk ward. Sebenarnya saya sedih mengenangkan pengalaman bersalin di hospital tawau ni sebab saya tidak menyangka keadaan hospitalnya yang sangat menyedihkan. Saya pernah ke hospital serdang, hospital putrajaya dan saya sendiri bersalin di hospital kudat yang so called hospital level daerah saja pun tidak seteruk hospital tawau.

GL saya masa tu tolak tepi sajalah mau 1st class konon. Tiada maknanya. Dengan keadaan saya tidak selesa ya lah sarat mengandung dan keadaan wad pula yang sesak amat baik yang ada IC mahupun tiada IC (taulah Tawau kan!). I really feel alone. Di tambah pula cerita kesedihan...Masa doktor pakar datang check up saya, dia kata kemungkinan baby sy saiz besar. Kalau besar takut kalau induce bukaan lambat buka..takut baby lemas atau kalau pun mau juga salin normal ada history bahu baby sangkut. Sebab tu selalunya mereka suggest terus ceaser. Dengar perkataan ceaser saya jadi seriau. Sebab diakhir nasihat doktor..walaupun saya pernah ada history salin normal 3.95 kg anak pertama tapi apapun boleh berlaku jadi keputusan di tangan saya. Takut sangat bila saya dengar macam tu.

Nangis sy! Jiran katil yang jarak hanya 2 kaki dari saya nampak saya menangis. Saya paling takut membuat keputusan. Apa lagi suami saya jauh d kl, parents saya jauh d kuantan (masa tu) my siblings juga jauh d kudat. Masa in laws sa suda balik. sebab anak sy 2 orang perlu dijaga dan jarak kunak dari tawau pun makan masa 1 jam juga. Betul2 rasa keseorangan. 

Menjelang petang, ketika saya mulai tenang..dan wassap dari ahli kawan2 1 church dan kawan2 rapat..roh saya dikuatkan. Saya berserah sepenuhnya kepada Tuhan. Saya letakkan kekhuatiran keresahan saya kepada DIA yang maha mengetahui. Dan sy sabar menanti jam 8 am utk dimasukkan ubat. 

Tup tup jam 12 tengah malam, sy mula rasa sakit yang amat di bahagian abdomen saya ke arah pinggang sehingga perut. Tp mulanya saya abaikan saja. Tapi sakit itu berterusan. Sy mula terfikir mungkin saya mau beranak sudah ni. X tau wlpn suda melalui 2 proses kelahiran saya masih ragu2. Gara2 overdue kan. Jam 230 am sy mulai rasa ada lendiran yang keluar. Dan ketika saya check itu adalah lendir darah yang pekat, Now i am very sure im gonna deliver very soon. 

Jam 3am sy ditolak ke labor room. Sebab bukaan rahim suda 4cm. 

Dan dari situlah proses sakit bermula. Berbanding time joshua dan jayden. saya disuruh berbaring sepanjang masa dengan dipasangkan CTG. Sangat tidak selesa sebab seingat saya masa jayden dan joshua saya sangat free utk bergerak dlm erti kata lain i am free to express my-how-release-the-pain-. Sy ingat masa joshua sy duduk ,mengangkang..saya tidak baring sebab sakit tu amat sangat (1st baby kan)..masa jayden tidak sempat sakit lama saya mau beranak sudah. Jadi bila yang ke3 disuruh baring terus..memang lain sakit dia. Mula2 saya masih boleh berfikir positif atur pernafasan. Tapi jam 530am saya suda hilang kekuatan. Sakit pinggang terasa mau patah. Saya mau bangun mau buka tu CTG sebab sangat tidak selesa. Saya hairan masa saya di hospital kudat saya langsung x pakai tu CTG. oleh kerana kesakitan yang amat sangat..saya sudah hampir tidak tahan...sy cuba tanya tu nurse pelatih kalau saya boleh dapatkan epidural. But I know its already too late for me. But then syukurlah jam 618am...dengan 3x pushed (gila sakit)..pushed yang ke3 tu lebih jauh kuat bunyi dari joshua dan jayden tau...maka lahirlah

Jathniel Ethan Michael dengan berat 3.7kg pada 24 April 2015 jam 6.18am.



Ini wajah Jathniel masa 1 hari. Dan kami sudah keluar dari bilik brsalin.


Wajah jathniel genap 1 bulan


Dan sekarang..jathniel 2bulan lebih...

PENAT. Jujur cakap..saya agak trauma dengan pengalaman yang ke3 ini. Dari fasiliti hospital dari cara nurse pelatih sampai doktor2 lelaki fuhhh. Itulah yang pertama dan terakhir saya akan bersalin di hospital tawau. 

Apapun saya bersyukur..penyertaan Tuhan sepanjang masa sy bersalin dan penghiburan serta kekuatan yang diberikan. Thank You Lord for the little extra strength that You have given to me. 

NOW. Masa untuk berehat - membesarkan - mendidik - menguruskan badan. Untuk jangka masa yang panjang. I. HOPE. SO.

THE. END.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Where the sweetnes and bitterness become 1 (part1)

As I promise, and before I forgot let me documented my story of my 3rd pregnancy. And this time I called it 'Where the sweetnes and bitterness become 1"

So my EDD was predicted on the 14of April 2015. According to my memory lah (I record my very 1st day period on the phone, so i am so confidence about it actually).

So the journey of preparing myself for a long break from office is began. I took 11 days from my AL to make sure I can still fly. I was ngam2 35th weeks. So it was the last call for mothers who wish to fly during their pregnancy. At least for MAS. Because AA only allowed pregnant woman to fly until their 34th weeks.

11 days AL + 2 wks early from my maternity leave. So there it goes!

Then the waiting moment begin.

36th weeks passed

37th weeks passed

38th weeks passed

39th weeks passed

40th weeks passed

Still nothing happened...no sign of labor...

I tried so many things to triger the process according to what i have read on the web..

from doing star jumping to eat a lot of spice food and also sex..hahaha, U know, during my 2nd pregnancy i did 'that'with my husband on my 39thweeks. The next morning i got contratction and terus Jayden lahir.

But this 3rd pregnancy i have done many things..turun naik tangga..doing squat but nothing happened. #stillpregnant

So the doctor gave me the appointment..if on the 10th days of my edd i still pregnant than i have to induced lah. But the process cannot done in the Kunak Hospital as they have no doktor pakar . SO i need to go to Tawau hospital.

I pray..God pls i want to deliver at Kunak..Tawau is quite far from my in laws house. But I guess God have another plan for me.

So on the 23th April off we go to the Tawau Hospital without my husband.

To be continued.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

I'm Back guys....

It's been a long time..without me in this world of blogging.. hikkss macam bunyi lagu yang biasa didengar kan...

anyway...how are u uolls?

My last post was on my birthday that was on the 9th of Mac..pheww quite some time neglecting this space..

Where have I been? I guess some of you might ask this question. While some of you had known the answer!

Well first and foremost.. Praise the Lord I just gave birth to a wonderful and amazing baby boy on the 24th of April. His name is Jathniel Ethan. I will show you his picture in the next post (actually i forgot to bring hp today..and all his pictures is in it) or u can follow me on the Instagram.

Oklah....that's all for now. Will story mory more on the arrival of my 3rd baby in the next post. Till then, stay tune and pls be patience while my mood of writing is back here with me.

God Bless

Monday, March 9, 2015

Thank You Lord


I come before You today
And there's just one thing that I want to say
Thank You Lord
Thank You Lord

For all You've given to me
For all the blessings I can not see
Thank You Lord
Thank You Lord

With a greatful heart
With a song of praise
With an outstreched arm
I will bless Your name

Thank You Lord
I just wanna thank You Lord
Thank You Lord
I just wanna thank You Lord
Thank You Lord


wowww

I am blessed.

I am blessed not because of what I have to today...

I am blessed not because what I have done in the past

I am blessed because I have you Jesus.

I am blessed to be your child

I am blessed because not matter what circumstances that I have been thru..all the hardships...You Jesus never leave me alone...

I am what I am today because of your Grace Lord Jesus

Because of that I just want to Thank you Lord...

Thank you for the 32 years that You have given to me...

To breathe the air...

I love you Lord.


Always your child,

Renny.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

this shall pass too

Woaaa

lamanya tidak berupdate...

seriously makin jadi pemalas jari jemari ini untuk menaip...

saya semakin menghampiri penghujung kepada my 3rd pregnancy process.

I told u, pregnant and having a 3yrs old toddler and 10mths baby really not a very happy situation for me (at least!)...

I've struggled here and there..to do my duty as a mother and a wife and a working woman!

Kalau ada pengukur kepada air mata..saya rasa sudah tidak terkira air mata yang berjujuran...

But everything happened on its beautiful time...

kalau dulu...jayden bangun malam lebih dari 3 kali...

sekarang kadang 1 kali kadang pagi jam 6am baru bangun minta susu and by the time saya sudah bangun mau bersiap...

yes...u just keep to remind to urself..every hard season shall pass.... u just need extra patience and patience and patience...

nothing more and nothing less...

So here I am...menghitung hari untuk memulakan cuti panjang saya sekali lagi....

x lama lagi...

wish me luck...


Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Syukur ku disebalik susahku

Makin malas menulis...???

Tiada idea???

2015 baru 1 post? biar betik!!

Ya sahabat2 ku sekalian alam....

makin teruk kan blog ku ini...

sejujurnya bukan malas menulis bukan juga tiada idea..tapi banyak suda taip tp didelete sebab berfikir...perlu ka....

sekarang ni...ramai benar suka memanipulasikan maksud tulisan...yang tidak benar dijadikan fitnah..dan macam2 lagilah

itu yang malas mau taip tu.. mau curahan hati...nampak terlalu vulnerable lah pula orang bilang nanti..

last2 saya antara blogger yang menulis sebab mengikut apa kata orang...sigh...cannot be! it has to be stop!

so today, i decided to write again....

ceritanya apabila sejak hujung minggu lepas anak ku Joshua diserang sakit paru2. Lung dia sensitif bilang tu doktor. mcm ada tanda2 asma. walaupun saya tidak tahu keturunan siapakah yang ada asma. poor joshua. masuk semalam sudah 4x dia kena neb. cuma syukurlah dia behave bagus kali ini. tidak spt sebelumnya mesti mcm rasa masuk gelanggang tinju lah. berperang bagai mau bagi joshua duduk diam kena neb. tapi 4x kena neb it was a very smooth journey for the both of us.

Dalam keadaan sy larat 8 bulan mengandung...memang cabaran betul rasanya menjaga anak2 yang sakit. apa lagi jayden pun mulai terjangkit. apa tidak, joshua 1st demam kemudian saya dan jayden. flu..batuk sakit tekak memang menyedihkan time mengandung..apa lagi kena bawa perut yang besar. Saya selalu marah husband saya yg mcm tidak berapa faham keadaan orang mengandung. bawa perut buncit dengan bawa nyawa dlm rahim is a very different feeling. Mau tunduk pun susah..apa tah lagi turun naik dlm rumah 2 tingkat mengurus rumah and anak2.

bila saya sebut saya selalu marah,,,sy tidak marah like menengking2 pun...if u really know me...i am not that kind of person...pantang saya sebenarnya suka marah2. marah2 saya banyak simpan dalam hati. mengeluarkannya dari mulut saya adalah the last thing yang akan saya buat.

Jadi bila dengan badan tidak sihat dan terpaksa jaga anak2 sakit....memang saya struggle.

one day...ada boss saya tanya saya..kenapa asyik duduk dalam bilik (my room)? berjalan keliling ofis supaya mudah beranak. My boss means very well. I know. Dan saya tidak terasa pun. Sebab mmg dihujung pregnancy kita digalakkan banyak pergerakan supaya proses kelahiran itu menjadi lebih mudah dan cepat. Saya jawab dengan boss saya...'cuma di ofis lah saya dapat duduk diam dan fokus apa yang saya mahu buat. Sebab bila saya di rumah...saya hanya akan dapat duduk paling lama 5 min unless semua anak2 sudah tidur".

Memang betul. saya sampai rumah...tiada lain...kasi makan anak2 jadi fokus saya dulu. diri sendiri demam kadang2 tidak terurus. yg ptg joshua n jayden selesai. Selepas tu kerja rumah as usual menunggu. Laundry...beg taska anak2 kena bongkar...air sejuk kena ada dlm fridge kalau tidak husband membebel...masak air...ambil kain d jemuran...lipat....next batch of jemuran nanti menunggu...kemas rumah...kemas rumah kemas rumah..sebab anak2 sudah mulai main menghambur semua barang permainan....

sambil2 buat kerja rumah...jayden merengkek...mau didukung...mau susu...joshua pula mau susu...semua mau dilayan....penat dari ofis menghadap kerja ofis belum setel tapi kena ttp sabar menghadapi anak2 dan suami yang kalau boleh iphone tu x boleh lepas dari tangan...

to some...will advise comunicate...well siapa2 kawin komunikasi adalah basic thing! Tapi kalau sudah cakap pun masih itu juga...itu yg satu pihak akan lebih mendiamkan diri dan bertindak menjadi kuat sendiri tanpa bergantung harap dari orang lain....

kepenatan yang saya alami yang2x ganda dari biasa mungkin sebab saya pregnant... memang sukar sebenarnya. tp rezeki sudah Tuhan kasi...mcm mana mau halang pun DIA kasi...so i guess all i need is to be bersabar.

This time will pass. I shall get into it....

Apapun disebalik semua kepayahan saya, saya tetap memilih untuk mengucap syukur..syukur sebab ada banyak benda mau disyukurkan....dan sy bersyukur Tuhan lah yang memberikan kekuatan itu kepada ku untuk melalui semua perkara...i just want to thank God for that...

oklah,,,till the next entry, tidak tau bila. sebab soon very soon saya akan terbang balik sabah.

till then...always be thankful.

God bless.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Happy a brand New Year 2015

Hi Hello guys..my loyal readers ...ahakks...
It's 2015. How was your new year so far?
Mine? Well it didn't start well at the beginning. The day before new year, my husband and I have some issues or a bit misunderstanding on one really merepek issue that end up both of us didnt talk to each other. Hahaha. What a bad starting I guess. I was hoping new year eve tu we will have some reflection on what we have been through throughout the year of 2014 and what things that both of us can improve in the future. But somehow it didn't happened as what I wished for. Anyway, let leave things behind. As we back to our 2nd hometown in KL, we only have each other..me .. my husband and our sons. I guess that normal for husband and wife. So we back to normal again before we going back to KL. :)
Anyway, office is as usual. But as for this year...I have different perspective especially towards my career. Since I was promoted to higher post, i have this tendency to do much better and i always like to push myself...before I took my leave on the 20th December last year, I was working very hard that almost every day I spent more than 10 hours at my office. Well so many dateline and I was like I need to this I need to that. 
But for this year...I still want to do my very best in my career..I still want to further my studies..but somehow my mind is very much lighter and less stress I guess. I'll do what I can do at my very best..I'll try to execute my work during office hours without any delay and i'll try to maximizing my 8 hours working. And having said that, that means I'll try to leave on time also (if possible).
As always family comes first. Now that we will having our 3rd baby on the mid of April.. I have to focus on raising our kids. All of them are still very small. Leaving them too long at the nursery is just not good for their growth. Even though if we have helper in the future I don't think I will take advantage on my helper. Helper is still helper or maid is still a maid. They can't never replace a mother love.
So that's me for this year..
How about you guys? Anyway i leave my entry today with a very short and sharp advice from the former CEO Cola Cola that I got from my whatsapp group. To some, it is irrelevent. but to me..i pretty agree with him.
so here it goes..
“Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them – Work, Family, Health, Friends and Spirit and you’re keeping all of these in the air.
You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls – Family, Health, Friends and Spirit – are made of glass. If you drop one of these; they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for it.
Work efficiently during office hours and leave on time. Give the required time to your family, friends and have proper rest. Value has a value only if its value is valued.”
Ok..till the next time... I promise will upload some pictures in my next entry..

A decision to make... is it for better or worse?

Sekarang tengah hot itu Korean drama "While you were sleeping'.. lakonan Lee Jong Suk (LJS) dan Bae Suzy (BS). Sedikit penceritaan ...