New day-New Beginning

Hola friends, how's life going on?

Been absent from writing here, due to some situations and I need to find my tune back in writing.

Anyway, here I am again. =D

These few days, have been the most challenging moments to me. Each seconds, each minutes, each hours and days, life have been the most difficult to me. I've been struggling with negative thoughts, self-defeated, feeling isolated, and my faith have been shaking...been thinking to flee somewhere that I still not sure where to go!

it's true, those motto that i've learn during ESC especially 'Bukan soal benar atau salah tetapi respon' really been tested. Pretty easy said rite? respon! respon! But that's when really God shows to me how is my attitude and what is my respon in those 'dark times' that i've been thru.

But thank God, He still love me, despite of my weaknesses. He is there to wait on me, and help me to rise again. I admit that, it's not easy. Somehow, there was time, i want to move on, but I just couldnt get up. I felt like crippled. The fearness within me really consumed all of my energy in me. I know, God works in every situations and He will bring good of it, but my mind just couldn't accept it.

Then, 1 nite I read this 'Samuel, how long are you going to mourn over saul?' (see 1 samuel 16;1). Deep down in my heart, I heard God also asking me the same question to me. Then the story goes when God said to samuel 'fill up your horn with oil and be on your way. I am sending you the house of Jesse, for I have chosen one of his sons to be the new king". And in other words God want to say to samuel like this is 'samuel, if you will quit mourning and get going, I'll show you a new, better beginning'. [source: Joel Osteen - daily Readings from your best life now] And I can hear the same words that echoing through the hollow of my heart.

And that's when I realized, that I should quit focus on my disappointments, I should get going and expecting God to bring new plan to my life.

Jocye Meyer wrote this 'If you want to be a victorious christian, guard your heart-even when you don't feel like it. I'm not saying, that you ignore your feelings. We need to take care of our emotions. i believe that people make a mistake in denying their emotions. I tell God how i feel. But then, I also tell God what I will do through His strength and power. So you develop self-control. You keep your commitments, you keep your word, you do what you know God wants you to do. And every time you feel like your doing the wrong thing - choose to do the right thing. Every time you feel like doing the wrong thing, and you choose to do the right thing, you are growing-and God is smiling. That's victory. And that's what you get when you guard your heart'.

So here I am. My new day, my new beginning.

'Thus says the Lord, "Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears; for your work shall be rewarded," declares the Lord., "and they will return from the land of the enemy. There is hope for your future," declares the Lord. [Jeremiah 31:16-17]

Review..book + DVD

Wah, this is my 3rd entry of the day, sangatlah eficient... plus ketara betul tiada kerja di hari isnin ni kan..hihii..biarlah..sy mau menikmati waktu2 di mana sy tidak begitu busy dan idea menulis datang mencurah-curah sebelum satu masa, berhenti lagi.. :D

Last friday, sy menambah satu lagi koleksi bacaan sy. Sy macam 'jatuh cinta' dengan Nicholas Sparks penulis buku 'A walk to remember'. Ada 4 rasanya, dari buku2 bestseller dia yg dijadikan movie. Terbaru, yang ini 'The last Song'. lakonan Miley cyrus. waktu sy baca buku ' A walk to remember', macam sy pernah share ni d previous entry sy sini. Tengok movie dia, sy tidak 'ternangis' pula. Sekali baca buku, 'termengalir' air mata sy towards the end of the story. Memang ada sedikit beza dengan movie, tp tetap best. Best sebab baca + tengok movie. Dlm buku, huraian dia lebih best, dlm movie baru ada nampak gambaran.

Ehm, yg 'The last song', pun sy 'termenangis' juga. Sy minat miley cyrus sebenarnya berlakon, tp sy akui juga dia bukanlah pelakon yg boleh kasi nangis orang, tapi dlm filem ini nangis pula sy.hahaha. Maybe, story line dia yg mengharukan. Sedih, sebab story ni pasal family. Sy bab family ni, mudah cair, cepat tersentuh. Cerita dia sedikit sebanyak pasal ronnie (miley cyrus) dan adik dia [lupa nama siapa dah], bercuti dengan bapa dia time summer. Since bapa mama dia sudah divorce lah. C ronnie benci sangat dengan bapa dia sebab pada dia bapa dia meninggalkan dia. Ronnie seorang yg berbakat dalam musik, tp since bapa dia tinggalkan dia terus dia berhenti main piano dan menjadi anak pemberontak. Disingkatkan cerita, inilah last summer yg ronnie dapt spent time dengan bapa dia. Sebab bapa dia ada penyakit kanser dan sudah tinggal mau mati lagi. So ronnie mau tolong bapa dia siapkan lagu terakhir khusus tuk bapa dia. Ending? boleh agak sudahlah kan. =D.

Selepas ini, sy mau cari buku lain lagi dari Nicholas Sparks, maybe 'The notebook' atau 'Dear John' atau cari buku 'The last song' ni ka. Buku dia nipis saja, sambil buat rambut di salon, confirm habis baca within a day!

Till then, nikmati dulu lagu Miley Cyrus 'When i look at you' Soundtrack 'The last song'.

Malam Jumaat

Jumaat yang lepas, dijadikan cerita training SPK tidak jadi. Since malam tu agak free, dan sy pun rasa mau release tension........... ya sepanjang minggu lepas, sy sangat stress. Tidak cukup dengan kerja, plus minus soal pelayanan sy. Plus minus soal lain2. Dijadikan semuanya membuatkan sy lemah bukan saja secara fizikal, rohani juga. Memandangkan begitu, sy, giu dan naransa decided tengok wayang. Pada mulanya mau tengok movie 'Street dance'..since sy dalam situasi begitu, sy prefer movie yg rileks dan tidak banyak fikir spt Inception atau Eclipse. Entah kenapa mood tengok eclipse sudah hilang. Rasanya tengok DVD ja lah kot nanti. Tapi hampa, bila lihat screen TGV di Mines, tiada Street dance, syukurlah ada The Socerer's Apprentic. At 1st, sy ragu2 mau tengok, takut jalan ceritanya berat, tp compare dgn movie lain, memang ini lah last choice kami. So kami pilih movie ni lah. Wayang start 930pm, since belum makan, kami p makan dan lepas makan, oleh kerana masa masih ada, c giu membawa kami dua naransa p main games tembak2 di sini.

Lucu kan? tiadalah sy mau pergi ni kalau saya 1 orang saja. Tapi since ada giu ada naransa, so dengan umur kami yang semuanya hampir kepala 3, hahaha, buat peduli saja.

Cahaya yang warna warni penuh keriangan!

kami memilih permainan ini!

Best! Kami 3 orang ada mission menembak semua musuh! Hahaha. Siap ada style lagi tu pegang tu senapang. hehehe. Dengan bajet RM2, kami tukar coins. Mesti ada bajet kan, supaya tidak lalai dan tetap berpegang pada dunia nyata. Hahaha. So 1st round, amazingly, sy dapat 3 pangkat, sebab sy tembak ramai dan tidak mati. hehehe. Hebat pula sy main tembak2 ni, ada pengalaman masa kursus di Pulada dengan Pulapol kali dulu. =D. 2nd round of the game, masing2 kami mati awal, c giu yg kira bertahan sikit dr kami. hehe. Tapi itulah, moral of the story [hasil sharing kami bertiga], patutnya kami ada strategi sebelum menembak. Sy tembak sisi mana, c giu tembak sisi mana dan naransa fokus apa wktu menembak. Barulah semua musuh dapat ditawan, dan yg ptg fokus waktu menembak. Bukan soal siapa tembak paling banyak, tp pada akhirnya semua musuh habis. Wah! lawak!

uppss..lari fokus, yg sebenarnya tujuan p mines tengok wayang kan...hehehe. Ya, apa moral of the story cerita penuh khayalan ahli sihir ni. Ehm, apa ya? lupa pula..since cerita dia khayalan kan, so tengok sambil lalu saja lah. just enjoying myself tengok durang perform sihir masing2. Tp enjoy sebab lucu! Still give credit utk pengarah movie ni...cepat, dan yg ptg tidak meleret cerita dia.

Ok then, itu saja cerita di hari weekend sy!

titleless

i remember, during my childhood, my father was one of the fierce father that one can have...when we his children were so naughty and in-uncontrolable-behaviour, my father will punished us.

My kak long, I think she is our role model at that time. She never get scolded by my father or by my mother [ok, my sista is 34 now, but this is what I heard from my parents]. She had been the most discpline daughter and a very responsible one among us. Whereas, my second sister, dia ni agak susah sikit dilayan time dia masik kecik2. My parents ada cerita, pernah satu kali my sista merengek-rengek masa tu disuruh ke sekolah. Since my father masih 'darah muda' ya lah kan kawin muda, jadilah sejarah my 2nd sista dikurung di reban ayam [upss sorry, i can't really remember is it my 2nd sista atau my brother =D]. But that's what happened during those days. Zaman rebellion abang sy, waktu dia balik sorang2 ke kampung which is perjalanan naik kereta from our house to kampung will take at least 45 min, boleh dia naik basikal balik kg. kena marah lagi bapa sy sebab membahayakan diri, dan paling marah bapa sy once abang sy menjahanamkan basikal orang lain. Selalu bapa saya kalau marah mesti ugut kami, 'kalau kamu tidak dengar cakap, sy ikat kamu sana pokok gajus'. Ya itulah menjadi ketakutan kami masa kecil2. Kena rotan dengan tali pinggang zaman kecil2 memang sudah biasa. Kira kami sangat nakal lah zaman dulu.

But then, pendisiplinan bapa sy spt itu memang tetap ada pro and cons nya sama kami. But when I look back, itu semua kebaikan kami. Memang terdetik rasa marah sama bapa kami, tapi sy secara pribadi sudah mengampuni bapa. Sekarang ni sudah besar, kadang2 nakal juga sy, tapi sy bersyukur bapa sy sekarang lebih suka menegur kami dengan kasih dan beri nasihat lah. Since pada dia, kami sudah besar ka di pongoritan do momogun 'alozou banal ong osukud no nga loposon'.

For me, bapa sy tegas orangnya when it comes to soal didikan sama anak2. Walaupun pada akhirnya ada juga antara kami yang gagal, dan memang terpalit rasa kecewa sama bapa sy. Bukan sebab kami tidak cukup didikan, tapi ketika kami meniti dewasa, tetap pilihan ada di tangan kami, dan apa saja yg kami lakukan, kami perlu bertanggungjawab atas akibatnya. But there he is, with his unfailing love given to us and accept us just the way we are, as his child. Tidak pernah ada kata 'kau bukan anak ku lagi', tidak pernah. TIDAK PERNAH. He is there to forgive us, love us and want us to move on and look for the future.

Why I shared this? because... I've dissapointed my Bapa Rohani, and most importantly I've disappointed my Abba Father. But what I have done in the past, I can't undo it anymore nor I can do something to repair the mistakes. But what i have to do now, is just learn from it, leave it, never do it again and move on my life.

It's true, pembentukkan itu bukanlah suatu yg mudah. Sakit? yes, I feel it. Rasa down? yes! Rasa mau give up? sejujurnya, memang ada rasa spt itu, walaupun rasa mau bangkit semula turut berperang dlm fikiran. But then, I know again 'seorang pemenang bukanlah seorang yang tidak pernah gagal, tapi seorang pemenang adalah seorang yang tidak menyerah pada kegagalan'. All I need to do right at this point is, Respon yang benar. And Trust Jesus with all my heart. I may not know what will wait for me at the future, but sure it wasnt really my place to worry about tomorrow, rite?. And why should I? I don't want to lose my peace and happiness just being too much worry about something that I'm not sure, something that I don't know. I have to choose.

And for all the unknown reasons on what happened to my life recently, I still feel grateful. God is there with me, through sorrow and darkness, through my ups and downs. And I know,that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose.

Thank you Jesus.

*** In addition to this entry, I want to share this song...I didnt really remember how is the melody but the lyric is very meaningful to me *** enjoy

Kemana pun Kau membawaku
Lebih baik dari jalanku
Bagaimana pun Kau membentukku
Lebih baik dari cinta di dunia

Apapun yang terjadi di hidupku
Tak pernah di luar perhitungan-Mu
Sampai bila pun ku dapat selalu
Mengandalkan-Mu d s’tiap langkahku

Thank you

I am so blessed to have friend like them. Tq aideline, giu and julie for the friendship. The love, the forgiveness that was given to me.

Thank You... Your friendship means a lot to me...

Love all of you...

God Bless.

From deep inside of me...

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for loving me.
Thank you for accepting me for who I am.
Thank you for still loving me even tho' I've done so many mistakes.
Thank you for never blaming me, instead You are there to remind me that I've done something that is not good, and You want me to return from my wicked ways.
Thank you for Your unfailing love to me.

You are the love of my life
You are the hope that I cling to
You mean more than this world to me

I wouldnt trade you for silver or gold
I wouldnt trade you for riches untold
You are my everything

Thank You.

Boleh ka bukan sy?

Tidak tau mau buat apa ni...

ada 1 part di scope kerja sy yang paling sy tidak suka buat! Sebab dari awal sudah salah, dan sekarang mau diperbetulkan balik... bila mau diperbetulkan lain pula consequences nya... which is sy tidak boleh deny myself yg sy sangat TIDAK SUKA dan BENCI!

Woaaaa....macam mau lari jak dari kerja ni saja, khusus yang ini saja! Benci kenapalah, sy terinvolve dengan durang ni! Kenapalah my seksyen? kenapalah sy? :((

I know I have GOD that bigger than this problem. That's what I keep telling myself... but I can't help myself from getting worried and scared! Samalah situasi sy dalam FT dalam Markus 9:24 "Aku percaya, Tolonglah aku yang tidak percaya ini!" Really, I believe everything what Jesus said. That is why, I'm still hoping something good that will happen. yupe, it will happen!

Help me Lord to get thru this situation. I don't know when will be the ending of this story! I just want it to be settle quickly. I dont want to see them anymore! Cukuplah tu tuk 1 tahun punya story.

*sigh*