Wednesday, December 17, 2008

forgiveness...

it's wednesday morning...still 2 days to go...(excluded today)..really i'm counting my days to go back and meet my lovely family....sound like i am homesick...but YES!...there a strong feeling inside me that cannot wait to see them..is like a reunion for us..as 1 biG family...as I always call my family as 'The Nny'Dys Family'...

Tapi apa kena mengena 'forgiveness' dengan reunion kan??? hehhehe...actually, this morning before i had my breakfast with two lovely preetiest friend aka my colleque...i had come across with 1 article that been sent to my email....it is a very lovely message..and I really want to it share with u all...

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs."

Sometimes the hardest thing to say is "I'm sorry", to admit that we have hurt someone. The only thing that can be harder is to forgive those who have hurt us. (siapa agree, katakan Yes ja dalam hati, heheheh)..ok and the story goes like this....


"I grew up in a small Texas town where we had moved the day after my father's funeral. We were poor, living in what some would call a "shack" on the edge of town. My amazing mother worked three jobs to support three children as well as my grandmother who lived with us. Her main job was as a nurse in the hospital nursery where she took care of newborns.
As a child, I was frequently sick with a cold, ear infection or the flu. It seemed as if I was at the doctor's office almost every week during the winter. We had very little money but we did have a family doctor who was a friend and colleague of my mother. In fact, they worked side-by-side each day at the one and only hospital in town. Knowing our financial circumstances, this doctor and his wife often asked my mom to baby-sit to earn extra money and since they had five children, I was often recruited to go with her as a backup.
Over the years, this doctor often took care of our medical needs, charging us nothing. Little did I know the high price I would have to pay. This doctor was my friend, a man I respected, and a man I trusted -- until the day that he molested me. The hurt, pain and betrayal were so great that I locked it away in some dark corner of my soul, refusing to admit it had ever happened. I told no one.
Fast forward twenty years to the time when I was happily married to Dan Southerland, a pastor and my best friend, and had two wonderful children. Our church was exploding in growth. I had started traveling and speaking for women's conferences and retreats, and loved it! Everything on the outside looked great, successful and very right but inside, the past slowly ate away at my very being until, one day, my world collapsed and I sank into a pit of clinical depression. I was paralyzed emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. The simple tasks seemed like impossible mountains to climb. Panic attacks became a daily event. I stepped out of ministry and out of life as I had known it.
I began to uncover the wounds I had so desperately tried to ignore most of my life. Instead of dealing with those wounds, I kept insanely busy in a vain attempt to earn God's favor and the approval of others. My worth seemed to rest on the foundation of doing, instead of being. I soon discovered that one of the main reasons I had fallen into that pit was because I refused to face and deal with the pain of my past, but with the help of a loving husband, a Christian psychiatrist and a brilliant family doctor, I began to make slow but steady progress in climbing out of that dark, slimy pit. Then, I remembered.
I remembered that day in the doctor's office. I remembered it all and when that awful memory slammed into my life, I fell apart. I hated that man. I wanted him to pay for what he had done to me. I wanted him to hurt like I had been hurt. I also knew that somehow, I had to let my pain go and forgive him, or I would be trapped for the rest of my life. God and I began to work through every painful, horrifying moment of that memory.
Months passed, and the day came when Dan asked me to speak for the five worship services of our church. When I asked him what the topic was, he smiled and simply said, "Forgiveness." I knew what God was up to and being the mature and godly woman that I was, I was furious! "That man does not deserve forgiveness, Lord" I ranted. My Father whispered, "Neither do you, child." I was still angry. "Lord, he is the one that hurt me," I cried. "Just as you have hurt me," He responded. I wasn't through. "I think it is only fair for me to wait for him to make the first move. And then he needs to come crawling on his hands and knees, begging for my forgiveness!" In the silence, I heard the words of the Great Physician, a voice I have come to love so much, "Aren't you glad I didn't wait for you to come to me?"
I suddenly realized I had a choice to make. I could choose to hang on to my anger and bitterness, making him my jailer, or I could choose to forgive him and set myself free! But I just couldn't forgive him on my own, so I did what David did. I cried out to God.
Psalm 40:1-3a (NIV) "I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit; out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God."
As I wrestled with the choice to forgive, I learned several life-changing truths:
If we make the choice to forgive, God will supply the forgiveness.
There should be no limit to our forgiveness because there is no limit to His.
Forgiveness is not a feeling or an emotion. Forgiveness is a deliberate choice.
Forgiveness is our greatest need and God's greatest gift."

While we cannot change the past, we can change our response to the past and dictate the power it has over us. If our greatest need had been information, God would have sent an educator. If our greatest need had been technology, God would have sent a scientist, but because our greatest need was and is forgiveness, God sent a Savior, Jesus Christ, who is calling us all to a higher place, a place of forgiveness. The choice is ours to make. Today, we can choose freedom by choosing to forgive.
ok, sy sangat diberkati dengan sharing ni...maybe kawan2 pun ada perkara yang pernah berlaku dalam hidup kawan2 yang susah untuk dilupakan...dan mungkin sangat sukar untuk memaafkan...sy sendiri pernah melalui sesuatu yang 'hitam' dalam hidup sy yang buat sy sangat benci orang itu dan sukar untuk memaafkan..bertahun-tahun lamanya sy pendam, sy simpan dalam hati dan sy tidak mau 'deal' dengan hal itu dan sy mau biarkan ja..meaning to say 'biarkan saja'..yes i did forget hal itu but then i forget to forgive....but then Praise the Lord..He deal with my heart a few years back...during i was studying at UPM...He restore my heart...and 3 years ago...i can forgive hal itu with all my heart....and i can 'berhadapan' dengan hal itu after my heart been dipulihkan....of course...perkara yang berlaku tidak akan padam dalam memori sy but then...sy tidak lagi dihantui rasa kebencian....bahkan sy merasa aman dan damai......dan of course kekuatan untuk mengampuni adalah bukan sesuatu yang mudah tapi percayalah ketika sy meletakkan semuanya kepada Tuhan Yesus..and i choose to forgive and forget....ada damai sejahtera dalam hati saya...tidak lagi berdendam...another thing yang sy belajar...Tuhan tidak pernah merencanakan sesuatu yang tidak baik buat kita anak-anak Nya....sebab sy pernah menyalahkan Tuhan kenapa sy mesti melalui semua itu...kenapa mesti sy..tapi sy belajar....dan sy melihat Tangan Tuhan tidak pernah pendek menolong sy...hari-hari yang sukar..Tuhan memberi kekuatan kepada saya untuk melaluinya..Tuhan beri kekuatan untuk sy mengampuni dan melupakan...dan hari-hari ini Tuhan beri kekuatan kepada sya untuk tersenyum kepada semua orang....
Ok..panjang pula....till here....love uols...Jesus loves u....
p/s-someone tag me..tapi nanti lah sy buat yang itu ye...before sy balik....

2 comments:

thesweetlittlecat said...

fuiiyooooohhhhhhhh...
I forgive u! hehehehehe

rennylesa said...

wah....did i do something to u yang aku tak sedar...sorry Kiera...
jangan pendam dalam hati..u can straight away tell me so...love u fren...

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