Been absent from writing here, due to some situations and I need to find my tune back in writing.
Anyway, here I am again. =D
These few days, have been the most challenging moments to me. Each seconds, each minutes, each hours and days, life have been the most difficult to me. I've been struggling with negative thoughts, self-defeated, feeling isolated, and my faith have been shaking...been thinking to flee somewhere that I still not sure where to go!
it's true, those motto that i've learn during ESC especially 'Bukan soal benar atau salah tetapi respon' really been tested. Pretty easy said rite? respon! respon! But that's when really God shows to me how is my attitude and what is my respon in those 'dark times' that i've been thru.
But thank God, He still love me, despite of my weaknesses. He is there to wait on me, and help me to rise again. I admit that, it's not easy. Somehow, there was time, i want to move on, but I just couldnt get up. I felt like crippled. The fearness within me really consumed all of my energy in me. I know, God works in every situations and He will bring good of it, but my mind just couldn't accept it.
Then, 1 nite I read this 'Samuel, how long are you going to mourn over saul?' (see 1 samuel 16;1). Deep down in my heart, I heard God also asking me the same question to me. Then the story goes when God said to samuel 'fill up your horn with oil and be on your way. I am sending you the house of Jesse, for I have chosen one of his sons to be the new king". And in other words God want to say to samuel like this is 'samuel, if you will quit mourning and get going, I'll show you a new, better beginning'. [source: Joel Osteen - daily Readings from your best life now] And I can hear the same words that echoing through the hollow of my heart.
And that's when I realized, that I should quit focus on my disappointments, I should get going and expecting God to bring new plan to my life.
Jocye Meyer wrote this 'If you want to be a victorious christian, guard your heart-even when you don't feel like it. I'm not saying, that you ignore your feelings. We need to take care of our emotions. i believe that people make a mistake in denying their emotions. I tell God how i feel. But then, I also tell God what I will do through His strength and power. So you develop self-control. You keep your commitments, you keep your word, you do what you know God wants you to do. And every time you feel like your doing the wrong thing - choose to do the right thing. Every time you feel like doing the wrong thing, and you choose to do the right thing, you are growing-and God is smiling. That's victory. And that's what you get when you guard your heart'.
So here I am. My new day, my new beginning.
'Thus says the Lord, "Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears; for your work shall be rewarded," declares the Lord., "and they will return from the land of the enemy. There is hope for your future," declares the Lord. [Jeremiah 31:16-17]
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