i remember, during my childhood, my father was one of the fierce father that one can have...when we his children were so naughty and in-uncontrolable-behaviour, my father will punished us.
My kak long, I think she is our role model at that time. She never get scolded by my father or by my mother [ok, my sista is 34 now, but this is what I heard from my parents]. She had been the most discpline daughter and a very responsible one among us. Whereas, my second sister, dia ni agak susah sikit dilayan time dia masik kecik2. My parents ada cerita, pernah satu kali my sista merengek-rengek masa tu disuruh ke sekolah. Since my father masih 'darah muda' ya lah kan kawin muda, jadilah sejarah my 2nd sista dikurung di reban ayam [upss sorry, i can't really remember is it my 2nd sista atau my brother =D]. But that's what happened during those days. Zaman rebellion abang sy, waktu dia balik sorang2 ke kampung which is perjalanan naik kereta from our house to kampung will take at least 45 min, boleh dia naik basikal balik kg. kena marah lagi bapa sy sebab membahayakan diri, dan paling marah bapa sy once abang sy menjahanamkan basikal orang lain. Selalu bapa saya kalau marah mesti ugut kami, 'kalau kamu tidak dengar cakap, sy ikat kamu sana pokok gajus'. Ya itulah menjadi ketakutan kami masa kecil2. Kena rotan dengan tali pinggang zaman kecil2 memang sudah biasa. Kira kami sangat nakal lah zaman dulu.
But then, pendisiplinan bapa sy spt itu memang tetap ada pro and cons nya sama kami. But when I look back, itu semua kebaikan kami. Memang terdetik rasa marah sama bapa kami, tapi sy secara pribadi sudah mengampuni bapa. Sekarang ni sudah besar, kadang2 nakal juga sy, tapi sy bersyukur bapa sy sekarang lebih suka menegur kami dengan kasih dan beri nasihat lah. Since pada dia, kami sudah besar ka di pongoritan do momogun 'alozou banal ong osukud no nga loposon'.
For me, bapa sy tegas orangnya when it comes to soal didikan sama anak2. Walaupun pada akhirnya ada juga antara kami yang gagal, dan memang terpalit rasa kecewa sama bapa sy. Bukan sebab kami tidak cukup didikan, tapi ketika kami meniti dewasa, tetap pilihan ada di tangan kami, dan apa saja yg kami lakukan, kami perlu bertanggungjawab atas akibatnya. But there he is, with his unfailing love given to us and accept us just the way we are, as his child. Tidak pernah ada kata 'kau bukan anak ku lagi', tidak pernah. TIDAK PERNAH. He is there to forgive us, love us and want us to move on and look for the future.
Why I shared this? because... I've dissapointed my Bapa Rohani, and most importantly I've disappointed my Abba Father. But what I have done in the past, I can't undo it anymore nor I can do something to repair the mistakes. But what i have to do now, is just learn from it, leave it, never do it again and move on my life.
It's true, pembentukkan itu bukanlah suatu yg mudah. Sakit? yes, I feel it. Rasa down? yes! Rasa mau give up? sejujurnya, memang ada rasa spt itu, walaupun rasa mau bangkit semula turut berperang dlm fikiran. But then, I know again 'seorang pemenang bukanlah seorang yang tidak pernah gagal, tapi seorang pemenang adalah seorang yang tidak menyerah pada kegagalan'. All I need to do right at this point is, Respon yang benar. And Trust Jesus with all my heart. I may not know what will wait for me at the future, but sure it wasnt really my place to worry about tomorrow, rite?. And why should I? I don't want to lose my peace and happiness just being too much worry about something that I'm not sure, something that I don't know. I have to choose.
And for all the unknown reasons on what happened to my life recently, I still feel grateful. God is there with me, through sorrow and darkness, through my ups and downs. And I know,that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose.
My kak long, I think she is our role model at that time. She never get scolded by my father or by my mother [ok, my sista is 34 now, but this is what I heard from my parents]. She had been the most discpline daughter and a very responsible one among us. Whereas, my second sister, dia ni agak susah sikit dilayan time dia masik kecik2. My parents ada cerita, pernah satu kali my sista merengek-rengek masa tu disuruh ke sekolah. Since my father masih 'darah muda' ya lah kan kawin muda, jadilah sejarah my 2nd sista dikurung di reban ayam [upss sorry, i can't really remember is it my 2nd sista atau my brother =D]. But that's what happened during those days. Zaman rebellion abang sy, waktu dia balik sorang2 ke kampung which is perjalanan naik kereta from our house to kampung will take at least 45 min, boleh dia naik basikal balik kg. kena marah lagi bapa sy sebab membahayakan diri, dan paling marah bapa sy once abang sy menjahanamkan basikal orang lain. Selalu bapa saya kalau marah mesti ugut kami, 'kalau kamu tidak dengar cakap, sy ikat kamu sana pokok gajus'. Ya itulah menjadi ketakutan kami masa kecil2. Kena rotan dengan tali pinggang zaman kecil2 memang sudah biasa. Kira kami sangat nakal lah zaman dulu.
But then, pendisiplinan bapa sy spt itu memang tetap ada pro and cons nya sama kami. But when I look back, itu semua kebaikan kami. Memang terdetik rasa marah sama bapa kami, tapi sy secara pribadi sudah mengampuni bapa. Sekarang ni sudah besar, kadang2 nakal juga sy, tapi sy bersyukur bapa sy sekarang lebih suka menegur kami dengan kasih dan beri nasihat lah. Since pada dia, kami sudah besar ka di pongoritan do momogun 'alozou banal ong osukud no nga loposon'.
For me, bapa sy tegas orangnya when it comes to soal didikan sama anak2. Walaupun pada akhirnya ada juga antara kami yang gagal, dan memang terpalit rasa kecewa sama bapa sy. Bukan sebab kami tidak cukup didikan, tapi ketika kami meniti dewasa, tetap pilihan ada di tangan kami, dan apa saja yg kami lakukan, kami perlu bertanggungjawab atas akibatnya. But there he is, with his unfailing love given to us and accept us just the way we are, as his child. Tidak pernah ada kata 'kau bukan anak ku lagi', tidak pernah. TIDAK PERNAH. He is there to forgive us, love us and want us to move on and look for the future.
Why I shared this? because... I've dissapointed my Bapa Rohani, and most importantly I've disappointed my Abba Father. But what I have done in the past, I can't undo it anymore nor I can do something to repair the mistakes. But what i have to do now, is just learn from it, leave it, never do it again and move on my life.
It's true, pembentukkan itu bukanlah suatu yg mudah. Sakit? yes, I feel it. Rasa down? yes! Rasa mau give up? sejujurnya, memang ada rasa spt itu, walaupun rasa mau bangkit semula turut berperang dlm fikiran. But then, I know again 'seorang pemenang bukanlah seorang yang tidak pernah gagal, tapi seorang pemenang adalah seorang yang tidak menyerah pada kegagalan'. All I need to do right at this point is, Respon yang benar. And Trust Jesus with all my heart. I may not know what will wait for me at the future, but sure it wasnt really my place to worry about tomorrow, rite?. And why should I? I don't want to lose my peace and happiness just being too much worry about something that I'm not sure, something that I don't know. I have to choose.
And for all the unknown reasons on what happened to my life recently, I still feel grateful. God is there with me, through sorrow and darkness, through my ups and downs. And I know,that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose.
Thank you Jesus.
*** In addition to this entry, I want to share this song...I didnt really remember how is the melody but the lyric is very meaningful to me *** enjoy
Kemana pun Kau membawaku
Lebih baik dari jalanku
Bagaimana pun Kau membentukku
Lebih baik dari cinta di dunia
Apapun yang terjadi di hidupku
Tak pernah di luar perhitungan-Mu
Sampai bila pun ku dapat selalu
Mengandalkan-Mu d s’tiap langkahku
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