I can't help myself by pouring my self here after a very long hiatus. Today is the day where i've been waiting for it to come. Yes my very precious son is finally with me again.
A week before today, i've been dreaming that my son came home and he run opening his arms towards me. I was so deeply missing him that i can't wait him back in my arms.
But what my nightmares was really became a reality.
When i first saw my son, i eagerly run to him wanting to hug him right at that moment. But to my surprise, he rejected me. That point of time, i really wanted to cry. My inlaws said when joshua met his daddy at the airport he recognized his dad. But not me.
My mother, my sister, my friend actually had warning me.. That this will happened. But not that i dont want to hear but deep down inside my heart i really put my faith that my son will not easily forget his mum.
At this hour joshua dont want to sleep. He dont want his mummy. He is near to me physically but i can sense that he too far from me emotionally.
When i wrote this, my heart is crying. Somehow deep down inside me i regretting myself for ever made this decision. But the decision is made. I only pray that this will just a temporary. I miss my son. I want him wanting me and need me as his mom.
Sigh.
(Pardon me for my bad english)
2 comments:
Where is your son now Ren?
The same thing happened to me during DPA. 2 minggu tak jumpa anak. My son was 7 months then. I came home, he didnt want me. Was clinging to the maid. Memang hati I remuk gila. Dahlah anak tak mau saya, kena marah dan bebel daripada 'persekitaran' bahawa I ni bad mother tinggalkan anak. I tinggalkan dia sebab work demand, bukan pasal I nak gi berfoya foya. Lepas I dah balik dari kursus, anak i melekat kat I. There is a saying Ren, time will heal the pain. This is just a temporary arraangement. Things will be fine eventually sebab hati you ikhlas.
Deepa,
Anak i dah balik semula dengan I. sebulan lepas i buat decision hantar dia ke rumah in laws saya sebab masa tu saya alahan teruk, i can't handle myself, the house, my husband apa lagi joshua. Kalau i sangat rasa letih, joshua pula merengek i jadi cepat marah.
Dalam masa yg sama, i nak cerai susu dengan dia.
thanks deepa for ur understanding. Bila anak sendiri tak nak ibu dia, memang rasa sedih. harap ini hanya sementara.
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