Morning...

As I shared to you guys before this my son Joshua had just diagnosis by the doctor as an autistic boy. So i started googling up what therapies that can i follow and do at home..looking for support group at FB. Search at youtube for visual learning. Reading other mom blog about their experience having autism child.

And yes by just doing it...I just can't stop sighing.

Can I do it? I doubt myself.

All that I can think is how will i do that when i have another sons in the house that also need my fully attention. Especially my baby who is just turn 3 months old. Still fully breastfeeding and now he can already regonized my presence. And I will feel forever guilty to my 2nd son jayden. Our time bonding together really really short that I barely remember how was he look like when he still a baby. Jayden is now at my MIL house at Sabah. My parents already asking me take him back to kl. My siblings keep asking me when Im going to take Jayden. That just make me more sad. There is a lot of things i need to think and do at the same time. And I just dont know where to start..

I just got back to work from my maternity leave. August is a very crucial month to me as I need to fill the form for my confirmation post. And I know I done nothing for the past 3 months to qualify me. I wonder how will my boss value my mark.

My husband is busy focus to his proposal to further his studies doing master. Hoping that when his jabatan approve his application he will have time to concentrate to our son Joshua. Compared now, both of us is bind with the 8-5 clock. So for the time being we just can only follow all the schedules given by HUKM.

To opt for CTG is just impossible for me as I (my and husband and I) had a lot of commitment. We just bought house on our own. So a lot of money (included those money we borrowed from our families) had been used and have to pay back.

But even I have to go through this situation...I know God is with me. He is there to help me. It is hard, I know. But I cannot go thru it by my own. I need Jesus. And that is what my Lord do to our family.

I know we will pass thru this. I have faith Joshua will be recover. I just have to put my faith and trust Lord Jesus Christ.

Bapa di Surga, apapun yang berlaku dalam kehidupan ku tidak ada satu pun yang berada di luar pengetahuan Mu. Tolong aku ya Bapa dengan iman ku yang sekecil biji sesawi ini untuk menempuh keadaan yang sedang ku alami. Saya tahu saya tidak bersendirian. Engkau ada beserta ku dan keluarga ku. Aku serahkan Joshua ke dalam tangan mu ya Bapa. Jadilah kehendak Mu dan rencana Mu keatas Joshua. Berikan kami suami isteri hikmat untuk apa jua kaedah membantu Joshua. Dan kami percaya Engkau adalah Sumber yang menyediakan tepat pada waktunya. Terima kasih Bapa. Dalam nama Yesus, aku berdoa. Amen.