Sorry lama menyepi...bukan juga artis yang punya jadual padat (tetiba compare dgn artis pula kan...hiihi) saya agak busy dengan kerja dengan anak-anak...itu yang susah mau cari masa post sstu di sini..

anyway...just want to share..semalam merupakan terapi cara kerja Joshua yang kedua kali di HUKM after his 1st therapies on the 30 of July. So after 1 month saya akui saya tiada buat apa2 untuk perkembangan joshua..nak kata  mau bagi fully attention pun tidak dapat. Bila anak 3 ni semua pun masih kecil memang kelam kabut juga hidup saya..

tambah lagi mama saya yang jaga anak2 saya..saya terpaksa hantar dia p tempat adik saya di kuantan untuk pemeriksaan lanjut kesihatan dia. Saya akui kalau ada mama ada di rumah...saya tidak berapa risau dengan keadaan anak2 saya. Sebab saya nenek mereka pasti sayang cucu2 nya. Tambah lagi ada adik bongsu saya d rumah. boleh bantu2 mama saya. Bila ada mama saya...kerja2 laundry mama saya suda setelkan untuk saya. Walaupun saya tidak suruh. Jadi sy mmg bersyukur ada  mama saya.

So 2 bulan jaga anak2 saya..kesihatan mama saya agak terjejas. Dengan gigi sakit plus operation matanya hari tu kembali sakit. Saya tidak sampai hati untuk suh mama saya jaga anak2 saya. Syukur ada adik perempuan saya d kuantan yang masih boleh urus mama. Since dia memang suda di line kesihatan. So i guess it is much easier for her to take our mum goes for checkup.

Back to cerita semalam...akibat daripada tu...banyak benda juga saya kena handle dan urus. Cari bbsitter baru dalam masa yang sama urus anak2. Jadi memang saya totally tidak dapat buat apa dengan cari2 sekolah ka untuk joshua. buat masa ini semuanya masih bergantung kepada temujanji d hukm yang jarak masa dari 1 appointment ke 1 appointment memang lama. Jadi betul lah Dr hari tu cakap..kanak2 autism ni kena ada terapi at least once a week supaya dia tidak lost. 

Semalam..joshua menampakkan ciri2 panas barannya kepada therapist tu. Dalam 1 jam sesi terapi...hanya 1/2 jam saja joshua mau ikut arahan. selebihnya dia mau buat cara dia sendiri. Kalau tidak diberi kemauannya dia memberontak baling2 barang dan jerit. Saya tidak dapat ambil gambar sb polisi hukm sepanjang sesi diadakan tidak dibenarkan mengambil gambar. 

Di akhir sesi..therapist tu beritahu saya..kalau joshua tidak mau ikut arahan kena stop semua game (kalau masa tu saya mau ajar dia) dan ignore joshua dalam bbp waktu. Cara by ignoring him is to make him know that his attitude is wrong. because of that, the next appointment that would be on the Oktober...Joshua masih kena one on one. Belum letak secara grouping sebab joshua masih belum pandai konsep take turn.

Sigh..jujurnya saya letih. Bulan 9 ni joshua akan sy bawa ujian pendengaran. hujung bulan 9 saya kena bawa jayden dan jathinel ke klinik kkia untuk jadual jarum. bulan 10 another 2 appointment dgn hukm. 

Sometimes i feel i am not stroung enough to face the day. dalam masa sama, kerja pun kena jalan. boss pun dari masa ke semasa memerhati. Taulah kan nama pun masih memangku...tidak excel nanti susah mau confirm..

tidak taulah saya...

di saat lemah..hanya doa saya dapat bisikkan..

to be continue

I always suck in writing the beginning for my blog.

I have to write and delete it again.

Write and delete it again.

So here is the thing that I want to say..

I am super happy because Jayden is back to me.

 Yeay.

Yesterday was a very super tiring journey for me.

Took flight as early as 1030 am from KLIA2 to Tawau. Arrived at Tawau at 1.30pm. Then fly back to KLIA at 625pm. And arrived at KLIA at 910pm. Sampai rumah at 1030pm.

Throughout our journey together..i must say it is quite challenging to me. Since Jayden was crying almost the whole time on the flight. I did panicked because I have been separated with him quite long ago. And we are like strangers for a while. I was like how to soothe him. Pity my son. Since my confinemet it was his nenek that cared for jayden. Ok I blamed myself for that.

But after all, I thanked God 45 min before our arrival at KLIA, his emotion became stabil. Just imagined i have to walk him around the flight to keep him cool. sigh.

Anyway...our situation is just become more challenging. Now we have  all our kids together. Not only my mum yang jaga akan pening kepala. We also pening kepala. 

God help me Lord. Help us.

Morning...

As I shared to you guys before this my son Joshua had just diagnosis by the doctor as an autistic boy. So i started googling up what therapies that can i follow and do at home..looking for support group at FB. Search at youtube for visual learning. Reading other mom blog about their experience having autism child.

And yes by just doing it...I just can't stop sighing.

Can I do it? I doubt myself.

All that I can think is how will i do that when i have another sons in the house that also need my fully attention. Especially my baby who is just turn 3 months old. Still fully breastfeeding and now he can already regonized my presence. And I will feel forever guilty to my 2nd son jayden. Our time bonding together really really short that I barely remember how was he look like when he still a baby. Jayden is now at my MIL house at Sabah. My parents already asking me take him back to kl. My siblings keep asking me when Im going to take Jayden. That just make me more sad. There is a lot of things i need to think and do at the same time. And I just dont know where to start..

I just got back to work from my maternity leave. August is a very crucial month to me as I need to fill the form for my confirmation post. And I know I done nothing for the past 3 months to qualify me. I wonder how will my boss value my mark.

My husband is busy focus to his proposal to further his studies doing master. Hoping that when his jabatan approve his application he will have time to concentrate to our son Joshua. Compared now, both of us is bind with the 8-5 clock. So for the time being we just can only follow all the schedules given by HUKM.

To opt for CTG is just impossible for me as I (my and husband and I) had a lot of commitment. We just bought house on our own. So a lot of money (included those money we borrowed from our families) had been used and have to pay back.

But even I have to go through this situation...I know God is with me. He is there to help me. It is hard, I know. But I cannot go thru it by my own. I need Jesus. And that is what my Lord do to our family.

I know we will pass thru this. I have faith Joshua will be recover. I just have to put my faith and trust Lord Jesus Christ.

Bapa di Surga, apapun yang berlaku dalam kehidupan ku tidak ada satu pun yang berada di luar pengetahuan Mu. Tolong aku ya Bapa dengan iman ku yang sekecil biji sesawi ini untuk menempuh keadaan yang sedang ku alami. Saya tahu saya tidak bersendirian. Engkau ada beserta ku dan keluarga ku. Aku serahkan Joshua ke dalam tangan mu ya Bapa. Jadilah kehendak Mu dan rencana Mu keatas Joshua. Berikan kami suami isteri hikmat untuk apa jua kaedah membantu Joshua. Dan kami percaya Engkau adalah Sumber yang menyediakan tepat pada waktunya. Terima kasih Bapa. Dalam nama Yesus, aku berdoa. Amen.